


love (we need it now, let's hope for some)

by americium_amicum



Series: i belong with you, you belong with me (you're my sweetheart) [2]
Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2yeon are drunk again, F/F, brief mention of MiMo because I love them, but they still figure shit out, finally deal with their Feelings, honestly these two are v frustrating, part two of that marriage pact AU, post-disbandment(?), takes place two years after Twice disbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 09:35:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19374031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americium_amicum/pseuds/americium_amicum
Summary: “Okay, hold up,” Jeongyeon says, turning to look warily at Nayeon. “What's going on?”Well, Nayeon thinks, here goes nothing. “He asked me to marry him.”Jeongyeon stares at her. Opens her mouth, as if to say something - but then thinks better of it and closes it again. Finally, after what felt like a full minute of Jeongyeon gaping at her, the younger girl pulls herself up from the couch.“I’m too sober for this conversation."Or the one where Nayeon goes through a Crisis™, and she gets through it with Jeongyeon’s help - and some alcohol, of course. They also end up accidentally rehashing a marriage pact from years ago, and some long-buried (but never forgotten) feelings.





	love (we need it now, let's hope for some)

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends!! yall were so nice about my first 2yeon fic that i kind of just felt like i had to resolve it somehow, with a part 2 in nayeon's perspective this time. anyway, just to be clear, this fic takes place roughly 2 years after Twice supposedly disbands, and roughly 8 years after the first fic. it's sort of supposed to directly parallel the first part (so if yall haven't read the first part yet, i highly suggest that u do before u read this one),,, and i hope yall enjoy this too.
> 
> also, follow me @ot9lights on twitter!! it's mostly me screaming about twice

By the time Jeongyeon arrives at her apartment, Nayeon is truly and properly drunk - and about three shots away from being completely wasted.

In fact, Nayeon doesn’t even realize that Jeongyeon is already there until she looks up from the couch and sees the other girl standing in front of her, eyebrow raised as she regards Nayeon. 

“You look like shit,” Jeongyeon tells her, taking off her jacket and hanging it over one arm of the couch before promptly settling down next to Nayeon.

“And you’re an asshole,” Nayeon mutters. “You’d think you’d be nicer to your best friend when she drunk calls you saying that there’s an emergency.”

“I’m surprised you even remember that you called me,” Jeongyeon says. “The way you sounded on the phone, I figured you’d have already passed out by now.”

Nayeon groans, but she doesn’t disagree. Even she thought she was on the verge of passing out, but whenever she remembers why she called Jeongyeon in the first place, it’s almost as if her entire body wakes up and she wants to take a shot all over again. Of course, that’s what got her to this state of inebriation, but Nayeon thinks it’s totally justifiable.

“With how long it took for you to get here, I might as well could have,” Nayeon huffs. “Why’d you take so long anyway?”

“Oh, I was out having dinner with Mina. Momo’s been really busy with her new dance show so they haven't found the time to go out together recently. And Mina said she's been craving my dad's cooking, so she went on her own,” Jeongyeon explains, before pouting in a way that would put Nayeon's aegyo to shame. “Can't believe she missed my dad more than she missed me.”

“Careful, Jeongie, you almost sound jealous,” Nayeon teases. “Should Momo be worried?”

“Considering that they live together, and are about to get married very soon, I highly doubt that,” Jeongyeon snorts. She grabs the remote control and starts flipping through the channels on the TV. “I was still with Mina when you called, actually. She told me to tell you that she misses you. And also, you know, to not be stupid.”

Normally, Nayeon would respond with a remark that was also equal parts affectionate and snarky, but her brain kind of short-circuits right there and then at the word “married”. It seems that Jeongyeon also noticed that something was wrong, and Nayeon's not surprised that she does - she’s stopped trying to hide anything from the younger girl a long time ago. “Okay, hold up,” Jeongyeon says, turning to look warily at Nayeon. “What's going on?”

Well, Nayeon thinks, here goes nothing. “He asked me to marry him.”

Jeongyeon stares at her. Opens her mouth, as if to say something - but then thinks better of it and closes it again. Finally, after what felt like a full minute of Jeongyeon gaping at her, the younger girl pulls herself up from the couch. 

“I’m too sober for this conversation,” she grumbles, and trudges over to the cabinet where she knows Nayeon keeps the alcohol. Nayeon laughs, despite herself, but it also sounds a little like she’s crying. If Jeongyeon reacted as though Nayeon dropped a bomb on her, Nayeon felt like she was nuked the moment her boyfriend proposed. Still feels that way actually. 

To be fair, maybe it wasn’t completely out of left field. Maybe Nayeon had just missed all the signs leading up to what she felt was a big fat proposal that just slapped her in the face. Their relationship started two years ago through an introduction by a mutual friend - and the important thing to Nayeon at the time was that he wasn't part of the industry. She had grown tired of dating fellow idols and actors and even producers, and she appreciated the change when she met him. He was a writer of some sort, but he was never arrogant about it. After a few months, Nayeon found that he was warm and kind in all the best ways, and it wasn't hard to love him. Her parents thought so too. Maybe that's why they lasted as long as they did. 

Point is, this is a perfectly normal thing that happens when couples have been together for this long, and besides - she’s dreamed of getting married before she even knew what it actually meant.

(Really, Nayeon just saw the pretty white gowns when she was like, six years old and decided she had to wear one at all costs, but anyway.)

She should be looking forward to this, Nayeon tells herself, because that's the most logical response to these kinds of things - 

So why isn’t she?

Nayeon hears a bottle clinking against glass and turns just in time to see Jeongyeon taking a shot - wait, was that vodka? jesus, she wasn’t kidding when she said she needed alcohol - before pouring herself another one right after. Jeongyeon heads towards the couch again and slouches next to Nayeon, placing a glass of what looks like vodka sprite on the living room table. She’s silent for a while, taking a sip of her drink every few minutes or so, and Nayeon takes this time to stare quietly at her best friend, and then at the TV blaring some old drama, and then back at her best friend. 

It’s been a little over two years since Twice disbanded, but Nayeon finds that Jeongyeon hasn’t changed much. To be honest, none of them ever really did. They grew up, yes, and they all realized what they wanted to do - and eventually it came to a point where they all decided that it was time for them to move on. The media made it seem like there was bad blood among the nine of them - that she and Jihyo wanted to focus on their own music or that Tzuyu was more involved with modeling - and while some of that was true, this had never been a cause for conflict within the group. They had their disagreements, but the girls would always be family, and being a family meant supporting each other no matter what. Nayeon knew that - they all did. They had a good run - they were considered legends among the ranks of K-Pop, and they had more than ten years under their belt to prove that. They left that era with bittersweet smiles and heavy hearts, but the nine of them - they were never going to leave that behind.

Which brings Nayeon back to the girl beside her. Jeongyeon had always been Nayeon’s constant, even before Twice, even before Sixteen. Nayeon knew that if there was one thing that would stay the same even after she wakes up from this dream of being an idol, it was Jeongyeon. Really, the only thing that ever changes about Jeongyeon is her hair. Jeongyeon is blonde again - said something about missing the way she looked when she was younger - and her hair had already gone past her shoulders. She’s wearing her glasses, as she usually does when they’re not actually going out, and Nayeon wonders if Jeongyeon ever realized how unbelievably attractive she is, even without trying. It used to infuriate Nayeon, whenever she saw Jeongyeon with a loose shirt and ripped jeans, because she always felt like it was unfair that her best friend looked like living proof that God has favorites. Nayeon felt a dull ache in her chest whenever Jeongyeon smiled, and she had learned to brush it off over the years in favor of things that didn’t make her feel like jumping off a cliff. 

Like her boyfriend, for example, who was simple, uncomplicated. Very much unlike the blonde next to her who makes her want to wear her heart on her sleeve - and then set her sleeve on fire. 

Really, Nayeon should have known better. 

“Okay,” Jeongyeon finally speaks up, breaking Nayeon out of a very dangerous train of thought. “I think I’m buzzed enough to hear all the sappy details. Tell me what happened.”

“It wasn’t sappy,” Nayeon says defensively. “It was sweet, actually. We were having dinner at that restaurant that I liked, you know, the one with the garden? Anyway, we pretty much had the whole area to ourselves, and there was a string quartet, too -”

“Cliche, but go on.”

“Shut up,” Nayeon throws a half-hearted glare towards the other girl, but continues speaking. “Anyway, right after dinner he just kind of - got down on one knee and popped the question.”

“Okay, well it doesn’t sound absolutely abhorrent. What did you tell him?”

“I said,” Nayeon sighs. “I said I’ll think about it.”

Jeongyeon winces. “That’s - understandable, okay, sure. What did he say?”

“He said he gets it. Even apologized, because he said I looked overwhelmed.” Nayeon finds herself sighing again, before looking up at the ceiling. “He wasn’t wrong.”

Nayeon can feel Jeongyeon staring at her, trying to figure out what was going through her head. Good luck, Nayeon wants to say, because even she herself can’t seem to do that at the moment.

“Look, Nabongs, I get why you said that. I don’t judge you for it,” Jeongyeon says carefully. “But you said you needed to think, and, well - what did you have to think about, exactly?”

“I don’t really know,” Nayeon admits. “I think I always imagined that when someone asked me to get married, I mean - at that point I’d already be sure that that was what I wanted. But then this happens and it just - I can’t even explain it. Like it feels wrong? But then I don’t really know why.”

“Aren’t you overthinking it?” Jeongyeon points out. “Like, aren’t you just being too idealistic about this? With your expectations and all.”

“Maybe,” Nayeon relents. Her shoulders drop in defeat. “I guess I just wanted to be more sure.”

“Nayeon, we’ve known each other for like, what, half of our lives at this point?” Jeongyeon takes Nayeon’s hand in an unexpected show of affection, and Nayeon feels her pulse jump. She hopes that Jeongyeon didn't feel it - but if she did, Nayeon can always blame the alcohol. More than anything though, Nayeon feels a little comforted. “So I know, more than anyone, that if this guy can manage to stay with your dumbass self for two years, he’s gotta be pretty special.”

At least until Jeongyeon decided to ruin the moment yet again. 

“You can go to hell, Yoo Jeongyeon.” Nayeon pushes the younger girl away and attempts to look menacing, but then Jeongyeon is laughing at the disgruntled look on her face and she feels all the fight in her body melt away.

“Look, all I’m saying is that he’s a nice guy,” Jeongyeon says, shrugging nonchalantly. “It wouldn’t be so bad to spend the rest of your life with someone like him, right? I bet he’d tell you how beautiful you are even when you’re pushing your fifties and your wrinkles are starting to show.”

“I just -” Nayeon cuts herself off and closes her eyes, breathing deeply. She tries again. “I thought I’d feel - literally anything else other than this. Suddenly, I’m looking back at our relationship and I’m second guessing everything, and - this isn’t how tonight was supposed to go.”

Nayeon is left with the bitter taste of regret the moment she speaks. She knows she's said too much, and she only keeps digging her own grave. Confusion immediately clouds Jeongyeon’s face. 

“Wait,” Jeongyeon pauses. The television fades to white noise in the background, and Jeongyeon casts an annoyed glance in its direction before she turns it off. Nayeon doesn’t look at her even then. “Nayeon, what's that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t think it was going to be like this.” Nayeon wants to throw up, and for the first time tonight she doesn't think it's because of the soju. “I thought it was just a normal dinner for the two of us, and I was gonna tell him - I was gonna tell him that I needed a break.”

“Well, fuck.” Jeongyeon leans back in her seat, and Nayeon recognizes a wave of understanding and sympathy washing over her face all at once. “But why? I thought you guys were doing okay.”

“That’s the thing. It seemed like everything was just okay. Like it was routine now. Being with him felt like something I had to do, which doesn’t make sense I know, but then it was this heavy feeling in my chest that I couldn’t push away.” 

The world stills, for one fleeting second, and Nayeon feels like the words are too loud now that they’re out in the open. The city lights shine outside her apartment window, and Nayeon wonders if they can keep her secret. 

“I don’t know if that makes me selfish. Maybe it does. I know I shouldn’t be looking for something more when he’s already giving me so much. But that’s how it is, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t say anything in response to that. For a moment, Nayeon feels completely and hopelessly alone, and she doesn’t realize that she’s crying until she feels Jeongyeon pull her closer to her body - one arm wrapped securely around her back, the other rubbing comforting circles on her waist. Nayeon sobs into Jeongyeon’s chest, because this isn’t how it was supposed to go - none of it was supposed to happen this way, but these are the cards she’s been dealt with and now she has to figure out what to do with them.

“Nayeon, you’re - hey, look at me.” Jeongyeon pushes her chin up gently and wipes away the tears that have made their way down her face. Nayeon finds herself staring into warm, brown eyes shining brightly in the low light of her living room, and she knows she doesn't want to look away. “You are one of the most selfless, most loving people I’ve ever met. And sure, we all do selfish things sometimes, but that - that doesn’t make you a bad person. And maybe it’ll take time before you realize what you have to do, but you’ll get there. You always do.”

And this is what makes Jeongyeon so different. Because, yes, she makes Nayeon want to pull her hair out every single day, and yes, she gets on her nerves more than anyone else does - but she always knows the right words to say. Because she is as vexing as they come, but Nayeon knows more than anyone else how soft she can really be. Jeongyeon always makes fun of her for being excessively clingy, but that's okay because Jeongyeon is still there every time she cries - whether it's at a music show, or a concert, or right now. 

Because this is what makes Jeongyeon different - sometimes Nayeon wants fire and flames if only to feel warmth, and Jeongyeon is the only one who could ever make her feel that way without burning her. 

Jeongyeon has always, always believed in her - has always loved her in all the ways she knows how. Nayeon doesn't know if she deserves it. 

“I don't know why you still think I can figure this shit out,” Nayeon tells her. “Even I don't believe in myself that much.”

“Because I know you,” Jeongyeon says simply. “A while ago, when you said you wanted to be more sure, I was supposed to tell you that we can never really be sure of anything in our lives. Because that's just how it works sometimes. But then I realized that’s not always true either, because I am sure of something. The one thing I do know - is that I know you.”

Jeongyeon’s voice is laced with so much sincerity that Nayeon feels her breath catch in her throat. When Jeongyeon cradles her face in her hands and places a tender kiss on her forehead, she’s suddenly brought back to a different time, to a different apartment, when they were younger and they made stupid promises to each other. 

And suddenly Nayeon knows. 

“I was sure too,” Nayeon says, the confession tumbling out of her mouth before she could even think about it. “I was sure about one thing.”

Jeongyeon raises an eyebrow, and Nayeon feels her heart clawing its way out of her chest. 

“I was sure about you.”

“What?” Jeongyeon laughs. “What are you talking about?”

“That night, when we were drinking at our dorm, and I made you a promise that I’d marry you when we’re 35. I was sure of that.”

Jeongyeon seems unfazed for the most part, though a little surprised. “I didn’t think you’d remember that,” she chuckles. “And anyway, the pact was that if we hadn’t found someone by then, we’d marry each other. But I guess you don’t have to worry about that anymore?”

“But it says something though, doesn’t it? If I’m more sure about a marriage pact with my best friend than a proposal from my boyfriend.” 

“Nayeon, what -” Jeongyeon laughs, but it's tense, and it grates on Nayeon's ears. “We were drunk. Is that what this is? Are you asking permission from your almost-fiance so that you could say yes to an actual marriage proposal?”

There’s a teasing lilt in Jeongyeon’s voice, but there’s something else hidden under layers of carefully crafted expressions. Nayeon doesn’t know if she’s imagining it, this look that she had seen in Jeongyeon’s eyes over the years, the look that she’s seeing now - the one where Jeongyeon looks scared that another word out of Nayeon’s mouth could send them both crashing down. They were toeing the line between something they knew and something that they could never get back from unscathed, and Nayeon knew that. Nayeon knew that Jeongyeon knew it too. 

But Nayeon feels something inside her snap.

“No,” she says. “This is me asking you if that promise we made years ago meant anything.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Nayeon, I told you, we were drunk.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because I need to know that I’m not going crazy.” Nayeon's voice shakes uncontrollably, and her hands more so, but her heart is a steady rhythm in her chest that urges her to go on. “That I didn’t turn down the guy I’ve been with for two years for no reason. That the reason is right in front of me, has always been right in front of me, and we’ve just been too stupid to figure it out.”

Jeongyeon looks stricken. “Nayeon, you said it yourself. You weren’t sure about the way you felt for him. That’s not - whatever we said years ago has nothing to do with this.”

“You’re wrong. I said I had to think about it, and well,” Nayeon tells her. “This is me thinking.”

“Okay, well then don’t think, because I don’t like where this is heading.”

“Are you ever going to stop deflecting?” Nayeon can feel the frustration seeping into her voice, and she forces out the rest of her words through gritted teeth. “So that we can actually get somewhere for once?”

“I don't know, are you ever going to stop blaming other people for your own issues?” Jeongyeon bites back. Nayeon reels like she's been slapped, and the reality of what she just said must have hit Jeongyeon at that moment, because she takes a step back. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.”

“You did,” Nayeon states. It's not a question. “But it's okay.”

Jeongyeon stands up from the couch. She runs a hand through her hair and her lips are pressed into a thin line. “I'm not doing this with you, Nayeon. This isn't a conversation we should be having.”

“Only because we should have had this conversation years ago.” Nayeon doesn't know exactly why she’s pushing this, but she does it nonetheless. She finds that it's not any different from the other questions she has on her mind. 

She doesn't have answers for those either. 

“What do you expect me to say?” Jeongyeon sounds tired - but there's a hint of desperation in her voice that almost shatters Nayeon. “What do you want from me?”

“I just want to know if you meant it, Jeongyeon,” Nayeon murmurs. “I just want to know if any of that ever mattered to you.”

“Okay. You want the truth? It didn’t,” Jeongyeon says, jaw clenched. “I said yes because we were drinking, I said yes even though every fiber of my goddamn being wanted to say no because I don’t think I could ever say no to you. Still can’t.” 

Nayeon wants to shrink into herself until she disappears completely. She thinks about that old adage - about being careful what you wish for, because now she just wishes that Jeongyeon would stop talking. For once, however, Jeongyeon can't seem to read her mind because she keeps going. 

“So, that marriage pact years ago?” Jeongyeon looms over her, and the room is suddenly too small. “I never even thought about it afterwards. Because it didn’t mean anything to me. It couldn’t mean anything to me.”

Jeongyeon falls back onto the couch and buries her face in her hands. Nayeon curls into the other end, as far as she can be from Jeongyeon in the limited space. She doesn't look up until she hears Jeongyeon’s voice again - thick with emotion, and more vulnerable than she's ever heard it before. 

“But you?” The words that pour out of Jeongyeon sound more like broken whispers than anything else. “Nayeon, you mean everything.”

Nayeon wants to cry all over again. And maybe go back in time to knock some sense into her younger self, because she wasted so much time with men and women alike who were never really meant to stay - so much fucking time that she could have spent with the only person who ever really mattered. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Why didn’t you?” Jeongyeon throws her question right back, and Nayeon is rendered speechless. “Don’t play this game with me, Nayeon, we’re too old for this. We both knew why.”

It’s true. To some extent, they did. Because they were both idols. Because they lived for more than ten years under the careful scrutiny of a very conservative public, who wouldn’t take too kindly to two girls dating. 

But Momo and Mina had done it, Nayeon thinks, and they're okay. They're more than okay - they're so goddamn happy with each other that Nayeon would feel jealous if she weren't so close to both of them. So if she's being real with herself, Nayeon knows that they've gotten themselves into this mess only because she and Jeongyeon were terrified beyond reason. Terrified of taking a step into the unknown. Terrified to face parts of themselves they weren't ready to confront. Terrified of the consequences. 

Because, for fuck’s sake, they were best friends, and Nayeon - 

Nayeon couldn’t risk losing Jeongyeon. Not in that way, not ever. 

“By the time I even entertained the sliver of a possibility that we could ever -” Jeongyeon breaks off - looks away. “You were already dating him, and I didn’t want to ruin that. You looked so happy. I just want you to be happy.”

They're quiet again. Silences with Jeongyeon have never been uncomfortable, but this one is different. This silence is suffocating, and Nayeon can't help but let her eyes wander over to where Jeongyeon is seated, her hands quivering, her heart laid out in the open for Nayeon to take. Nayeon wonders if Jeongyeon knew she had given her own heart a long time ago. 

“God,” Nayeon lets out with a teary laugh. “Why are we both such fucking idiots?”

“I think being with you for so long had a detrimental effect on my IQ,” Jeongyeon jokes weakly, and her voice is trembling and her smile isn’t the same and nothing feels right, but Nayeon hits her arm anyway, because old habits die hard and Jeongyeon was a habit she could never grow out of.

Out of all the questions she has tonight, Nayeon is left with the most important one. “Where do we go from here?”

“This isn’t -” Jeongyeon exhales heavily. “Fix whatever you have with him. Don’t get me wrong, okay, I’m happy that we were finally able to talk about out -” Jeongyeon makes a vague gesture with her hands. “- whatever this is. But you have someone out there who's waiting for an answer, and I’m not gonna stand in the way of that.”

“Why are you like this?” Nayeon pulls Jeongyeon closer - leans her forehead against hers. “You said we all do selfish things sometimes. I’m asking you to be selfish now.”

“Nayeon, I -”

“Tell me to stay, Jeong,” Nayeon breathes against her lips. “Ask me to stay.”

Nayeon can feel the shudder of Jeongyeon’s breath, can practically feel the fear creeping into her bones. But she’s so, so close, and Nayeon can’t miss her shot now. “Jeongyeon, please,” she says. “You already know I’m not going anywhere anyway.”

“Nayeon, I can’t.” Jeongyeon looks pained, and Nayeon thinks she must look the same way, if the echo of her heart breaking reverberating throughout her chest was any indication.

“What?” 

“I’m not - you deserve better than this,” Jeongyeon says, pulling away from Nayeon's hold. Nayeon wants to protest, wants to say that no one could ever deserve her more than Jeongyeon does, and that if anything it’s the other way around, but the words die on her tongue when Jeongyeon speaks again. “If we’re going to make this work, we have to start this right.”

“What are you saying?”

“You’re still with him, Nayeon. Just because you haven’t given him an answer doesn’t mean your whole relationship is on pause too.” Jeongyeon gazes at her intently, and Nayeon feels like she may have stopped breathing. “Figure out whatever it is that you want to say. Tell him. Then, I don’t know, maybe we’ll see where we go from there, right?”

Jeongyeon makes a move to stand up, and Nayeon is too dazed, too hopeful about the implications of whatever Jeongyeon has said that she doesn’t notice until Jeongyeon has already worn her jacket and has started walking towards the door. 

“Where are you going?”

“Home,” Jeongyeon replies, a wry smile on her face. “I don’t think I trust myself enough to stay the night.”

“But you - you’re not leaving, right?”

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes fondly and walks back to where Nayeon is still seated on the couch. Kneels in front of her until they were looking at each other straight in the eyes - and holds her hands as if she didn't know by now what kind of effect she had on Nayeon. It’s a little unfair, Nayeon thinks, but she’s not going to complain. “I’m walking away for now, yeah,” Jeongyeon says. “But only because it’s the right thing to do.”

“I kind of hate how chivalrous you think you are sometimes.”

Jeongyeon laughs and leans in - kisses her jaw affectionately. “You have to know though,” Jeongyeon starts, and Nayeon doesn’t think she’s seen Jeongyeon’s eyes like this before. There’s light dancing in them, and something else that Nayeon doesn’t have a name for. It takes everything in Nayeon not to pull Jeongyeon even closer until she figures out what it is. 

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had to walk away from.” Jeongyeon’s grip tightens - she rests her forehead on Nayeon’s shoulder and breathes deeply, before looking up at Nayeon again. Nayeon lets herself fall into the unadulterated adoration painted all over Jeongyeon’s face. “It’s not hard to come back if you ask me to - if you want me to. But only if you’re sure.”

Well, Nayeon thinks that’s stupid, because really - 

She’s never wanted anything more in her life. 

Jeongyeon makes her way to the door again, and Nayeon doesn’t stop her. Jeongyeon doesn’t say goodbye either. Just turns around and smiles at her in a way that Nayeon likes to think was just for her, and says, “I’ll be here.”

The door clicks shut, and Nayeon finds herself alone again. It's different from the way she felt earlier tonight though. She doesn't make a move to stand up and go to her bed - just lies there on the couch for hours, wide awake, until she sees the first signs of sunrise slipping into the corners of her living room.

 

(Picture this:

They are younger, only three years into being the nation's girl group. They're reacting to one of their music videos, and the question arises naturally. It is their song, after all.

“What is love?”

Nayeon answers without thinking. “For me, love is being able to turn the impossible into something possible.”

The room is silent, and the girls look at her not without meaning. From the corner of her eye, she sees Jeongyeon smiling softly. 

Over the years, Nayeon has learned that Jeongyeon doesn't often express herself, at least not explicitly. It's not in her nature - and Nayeon respects that. But every once in a while, something slips through the cracks, and Nayeon sees it in a smile, or a look, or a fleeting brush of their fingers.

The significance of those moments was never lost on Nayeon. She likes to think of those moments as something that belonged to them - and she keeps this one for herself as well. 

A beat passes, and she makes a joke after that. She explains herself - says it's about performing for their fans even when they're not feeling well, but the look in Jeongyeon’s eyes and the smile on her face never leaves her mind even days after. 

Nayeon figures she must have said the right thing.)

 

Now, here she is, about to do just that - turn the impossible into something possible. It's not very easy, which is something Nayeon has known all along, but she has to start somewhere. 

Nayeon thinks a good start would be talking to the man she spent the last two years of her life with. She meets with him at the same restaurant where he had proposed, which may be cruel in hindsight, but they’re here now. She tells him that she can’t accept his proposal, can't accept anything else from him, really, because she doesn't think she's meant to. Nayeon braces herself for his anger, but instead finds herself staring at the crooked smile on his handsome face. 

“Well, I can't say I didn't expect this,” he says. Nayeon blinks in confusion, and he continues. “That proposal was more of a last ditch effort to save whatever was left of our relationship. Can't blame me for trying after all.”

“Jae,” Nayeon says, and she swallows the guilt rising in her throat. “I'm so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugs. “After that night, I was able to do some thinking on my own too, and I realized we were both just holding on because we were more scared of letting go. But letting go is a good thing, sometimes. I just wish it didn't take us so long to see that.”

Nayeon nods, and wraps her arms around him for a tight hug. For all the flaws in their relationship, he truly is a good man. Nayeon kind of hates herself, because she doesn't know how she could ever deserve this kindness from him, but she feels his chest rumble with laughter. 

“I literally just talked about letting go. You can stop hugging me now, Nayeon.” Nayeon laughs, wiping away the tears in her own eyes. He smiles one last time. “I hope you can be happy. I hope both of us can be. We deserve that much, right?”

He leaves a kiss on her forehead, and walks away. Nayeon prays that he can find someone who will love him the way he loves - fearlessly, and with arms wide open. 

Nayeon knows she already found that kind of love in her life anyway. She just hopes she’s not too late.

 

It takes a while before Nayeon finds herself standing in front of Jeongyeon’s door. It takes weeks, and Nayeon lets herself process things first. At some point, she thought that maybe the universe would conspire together and send her a sign when the time was right, but she got tired of waiting around for that when she realized it was probably never going to happen.

And it’s true, because tonight is like any other night. The broken street light in front of Jeongyeon’s apartment still flickers erratically, and cars keep passing her by. The stars are still hidden among the lights of the city, but she sees a few twinkling brightly enough against the dark sky. There’s music coming from within Jeongyeon’s apartment - maybe an alternative band she’s never heard of, or a brand new song she was composing. 

Tonight is like any other night. But there’s a kind of electricity that hums in the air, and Nayeon hopes that maybe - just maybe, this night could be different too.

Nayeon knocks, then counts the seconds in her head before Jeongyeon opens the door. She reaches five, and that’s when she finds herself staring at Jeongyeon - looking a little breathless in an oversized sweatshirt, her hair mussed and her glasses askew. There’s a smile playing at the corner of her lips, as she crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe.

“What took you so long?”

“Does it matter?” Nayeon steps forward, and it’s magnetic, the way Jeongyeon draws closer to her too. She loops her arms around Jeongyeon’s neck. “I'm here now.”

Jeongyeon grins, right before stealing Nayeon’s breath away in a kiss - 

And Nayeon’s world turns on its axis. 

She loses track of time, choosing to get lost in Jeongyeon’s lips, Jeongyeon’s eyes, in everything that is Jeongyeon instead. Nayeon thinks that’s okay, because time has never mattered for the two of them anyway.

Because when all is said and done, time never has to matter, as long as it meant coming home to Jeongyeon at the end of the day.

Because when all is said and done, Nayeon has gone through enough to know that forever doesn't exist - but she knows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with the only person who makes her believe that it could.

(“I knew that marriage pact was just a ruse to tell me that you were in love with me.”

“Oh my god, do you ever shut up? Kiss me again.”

Jeongyeon, quite predictably, doesn’t say no.)

**Author's Note:**

> again, title comes from Ho Hey by the Lumineers.


End file.
